Summer is always a slow time, and it's no different in hospital world. But in hospital world it's taking people a REALLY long time to get back from vacation mode. Seriously it's almost October -- these people take vacation VERY seriously.
But still, things are moving along and we have some new arrivals.
Buckethead has been in the ER again twice since our last update. First breaking an ankle jumping through a corporate hoop and then careening across the room like a human missile after bouncing off her ball that Devon "accidentally" overinflated.
Devon has finally figured out how to communicate with the rest of the world and although he's not typing any faster, at least he's got the idea.
No one has stepped up more than Unacrapper, holding down the fort almost single handedly while everyone was summering elsewhere. By the end of September, he'd been promoted to COO. Or COO(L) as he prefers and was also filling in the roles of Acting CFO when buckethead was out (most of the time) and Interim HR Chick until HR Chick shows up again (probably never). And despite all his new responsibilities he's still finding time to trade hedge funds and derivative options. He's built his "nest egg" up to over $800,000 and finally reveals how he funded his account to begin with.
Jane conveniently went underground after questions started arising about the disappearance of Estella Guadalajar Pendejo and so did Sharky. He claimed something about falling off the wagon and having to take his dog to Jury Duty but Unacrapper has been hinting that he threw "a death card" right back at Sharky as revenge for the poisoning.
Waz is still laying low, although I'm hearing some disturbing rumors about what he's been doing in his spare time. Just let me say what happens in the men's room stays in the mens room. Or a jail cell in Virginia. Or both. See UnaCrapper's report if you want the latest scoop.
Rainey is still stuck in what Buckethead affectionately refers to as "Asshole Camp" and he's getting less and less patient lately. His "executive coach", Bartolmeu Martino doesn't seem to be helping him much, but it's not his fault that Rainey doesn't understand Portuguese and that Bartolmeu's English is not so great. Now Rainey's only hope is scoring better on the Asshole Rating Self Exam but he's going to need some tutoring to get through it.
Who knew that there was a quantitative way to measure the degree to which one is an asshole? Well there is. See the link on the right to take the Asshole Rating Self Exam. Take it yourself!
Back at the hospital, Devon isn't just new to communicating with us here on hospital world. He's communicating in ways that he doesn't even realize. Seems when he and Buckethead went on a mission to smuggle broadband adapters to Rainey, Devon stuck two up his ass but only seems to have taken one out to give to Rainey. He can't figure out why his ass hurts so bad and why he suddenly has free wireless internet access at home.
As for new arrivals, Devon's new employee, "Carl, Freak You the Fuck Out," just started and he's doing just what his name would imply. He's already freaking out Lola pretty damn bad but he's determined to make it 90 days to get on the health insurance plan. He needs it so he can pay to have the man he caught in his bear trap have a sex change operation and he can finally have a wife.
Finally, the executive evaluation team from KPMG made their first visit and they're pretty confused and disturbed by what they found. They've posted their first report.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
New Pages Added
Due to the recent flood of complaints about Jane, there is now a specific page for compliance issues.
Also added:
1. Employee Bulletin Board for quick comments, questions, msc info shared between employees
2. Job openings section
Everything else can still be posted in HOSPITAL DOCUMENTS
Also added:
1. Employee Bulletin Board for quick comments, questions, msc info shared between employees
2. Job openings section
Everything else can still be posted in HOSPITAL DOCUMENTS
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
A Few Technical Points
To add a poll to your blog:
1. Make sure you are logged into your gmail account
2. Go to your blog and click "customize" in the top right hand corner / menu bar
3. On the "Template" tab, click on "page elements"
4. Choose "Add New Page Element"
5. Add a poll will be one of your choices
Take a look at some of the other elements as well -- you can add lists of links, list of anything (character's favorite bands or movies etc.), pictures, a profile, or additional blocks of text
To add video from You Tube:
1. Once you've opened the video, look to the right of the video itself
2. To the right of the word embed you will see a box filled with code
3. Copy the code
4. Go to your blog, add new post, and paste this code in the text portion of your post
That's it!
1. Make sure you are logged into your gmail account
2. Go to your blog and click "customize" in the top right hand corner / menu bar
3. On the "Template" tab, click on "page elements"
4. Choose "Add New Page Element"
5. Add a poll will be one of your choices
Take a look at some of the other elements as well -- you can add lists of links, list of anything (character's favorite bands or movies etc.), pictures, a profile, or additional blocks of text
To add video from You Tube:
1. Once you've opened the video, look to the right of the video itself
2. To the right of the word embed you will see a box filled with code
3. Copy the code
4. Go to your blog, add new post, and paste this code in the text portion of your post
That's it!
Monday, August 20, 2007
CONTEST NEWS:
Jane's searching for help from all of you to solve her morale problems. She's sponsoring a new contest (Oh Fun ! ! !). She's decided that this amazing group of overachievers should write their OWN management book on morale.
If it's true that those who can't do, teach (or write), then we are sure to have a best seller on our hands. See the hospital documents section for rules and instructions and good luck to all!
If it's true that those who can't do, teach (or write), then we are sure to have a best seller on our hands. See the hospital documents section for rules and instructions and good luck to all!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Update 5: Weekly Wrap Up
Busy Busy Week in Hospital World.
There was another new arrival this week -- Belinda Biatche, the alcoholic, chain smoking DON stormed into hospital world and showed what a team player she could be, accompanying Lola and providing her "services" at the Crusty Motel to our visiting auditors.
I'm afraid Redneck Never Come to Work Guy and Russell will never be quite the same. They're the happiest auditors I've ever seen but hey, that can only be a good thing for Buckethead and the audit! In fact, I don't think they want to ever leave.
Rumor is Russell is thinking of settling down here permanently.
While Belinda is conspiring against Sharky, Sharky's wrapping up his own investigation and looks like he's going to be "throwin' a death card" at unacrapper any day now.
In between sneaking drinks in her office, smoking on the back dock, and attending her court ordered AA meetings, Belinda's set out to get dirt on the compliance officer himself! I'm not sure where Waz's loyalties lie (if anywhere), but he's been all too happy to assist.
Speaking of Waz, I don't know where he was hiding out for the last few weeks but he's back with a vengeance, ragging on Cherry, Consuela, and Buckethead and inviting Lola over to practice her lap dances with him.
(Cherry has been uncharacteristically quiet, maybe this will draw her out of her shell a little)
Just when we were getting tired of hearing Waz brag all day about how he "sees all" and starting to think he was all bark and no bite . . . he finally shows his hand. And what a disturbing hand it is. Seems he really was watching all along, and apparently no one is safe!
All I can say is that it's a sad day in Hospital World when you can't even go to work and jump in a bathtub of Cheetos without it showing up on the Internet.
In the CEO suite, Jane's morale problems are only getting worse. FBI guy rejected her Gung Ho meeting proposal, saying having a meeting with dancing dwarfs and managers playing make believe was too ridiculous and would blow her cover. The Cheetos crisis is threatening to destroy the quarterly bonus plan, there has been a compliance compaint made about her, and her girl Lola is driving up expenses, trying to negotiate higher fees for her "services."
Speaking of Lola, she's still singing her theme songs, pooping in the business office, and prank calling Ms. Peggy, the narcoleptic PBX "oprater". Well at least it wakes her up!
And let us not forget Consuela's new arrival! Yes a brand new little baby gangsta has joined hospital world. I'm sure when Consuela weans herself off the good drugs she got in the hospital she'll give us an update.
And where is Buckethead through all of this? With an audit in the works, a cheetos crisis, problems with bonuses, and infighting among staff? Well Buckethead has been spending all her time alone in her office eating frozen microwave tamales, drawing stick figure cartoons and laughing her ass off. She cracks herself up.
On the CFO "work" front, she's starting on a mandatory charitable deduction plan for all staff to fund bonuses and maybe a little on the side for Waz. After all, she doesn't want him playing tapes of her private and often VERY personal conversations with Alex.
We're still expecting a few more arrivals next week. Apparently we will have a new janitor starting. Also, some quirky "touchy feely guy" is interviewing for just about every job in the hospital, so it will be interesting to see what position he is offered. Ms Peggy has just about had enough of Lola's pranks and is about to start speaking her mind. And our missing HR chick has sent a telegram to Jane from the Middle o' Nowhere Land promising that she will be back in hospital world any day now.
There was another new arrival this week -- Belinda Biatche, the alcoholic, chain smoking DON stormed into hospital world and showed what a team player she could be, accompanying Lola and providing her "services" at the Crusty Motel to our visiting auditors.
I'm afraid Redneck Never Come to Work Guy and Russell will never be quite the same. They're the happiest auditors I've ever seen but hey, that can only be a good thing for Buckethead and the audit! In fact, I don't think they want to ever leave.
Rumor is Russell is thinking of settling down here permanently.
While Belinda is conspiring against Sharky, Sharky's wrapping up his own investigation and looks like he's going to be "throwin' a death card" at unacrapper any day now.
In between sneaking drinks in her office, smoking on the back dock, and attending her court ordered AA meetings, Belinda's set out to get dirt on the compliance officer himself! I'm not sure where Waz's loyalties lie (if anywhere), but he's been all too happy to assist.
Speaking of Waz, I don't know where he was hiding out for the last few weeks but he's back with a vengeance, ragging on Cherry, Consuela, and Buckethead and inviting Lola over to practice her lap dances with him.
(Cherry has been uncharacteristically quiet, maybe this will draw her out of her shell a little)
Just when we were getting tired of hearing Waz brag all day about how he "sees all" and starting to think he was all bark and no bite . . . he finally shows his hand. And what a disturbing hand it is. Seems he really was watching all along, and apparently no one is safe!
All I can say is that it's a sad day in Hospital World when you can't even go to work and jump in a bathtub of Cheetos without it showing up on the Internet.
In the CEO suite, Jane's morale problems are only getting worse. FBI guy rejected her Gung Ho meeting proposal, saying having a meeting with dancing dwarfs and managers playing make believe was too ridiculous and would blow her cover. The Cheetos crisis is threatening to destroy the quarterly bonus plan, there has been a compliance compaint made about her, and her girl Lola is driving up expenses, trying to negotiate higher fees for her "services."
Speaking of Lola, she's still singing her theme songs, pooping in the business office, and prank calling Ms. Peggy, the narcoleptic PBX "oprater". Well at least it wakes her up!
And let us not forget Consuela's new arrival! Yes a brand new little baby gangsta has joined hospital world. I'm sure when Consuela weans herself off the good drugs she got in the hospital she'll give us an update.
And where is Buckethead through all of this? With an audit in the works, a cheetos crisis, problems with bonuses, and infighting among staff? Well Buckethead has been spending all her time alone in her office eating frozen microwave tamales, drawing stick figure cartoons and laughing her ass off. She cracks herself up.
On the CFO "work" front, she's starting on a mandatory charitable deduction plan for all staff to fund bonuses and maybe a little on the side for Waz. After all, she doesn't want him playing tapes of her private and often VERY personal conversations with Alex.
We're still expecting a few more arrivals next week. Apparently we will have a new janitor starting. Also, some quirky "touchy feely guy" is interviewing for just about every job in the hospital, so it will be interesting to see what position he is offered. Ms Peggy has just about had enough of Lola's pranks and is about to start speaking her mind. And our missing HR chick has sent a telegram to Jane from the Middle o' Nowhere Land promising that she will be back in hospital world any day now.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Update 4
More drama . . .
Russell LuvMussell has a thing for Lola. But so does UnaCrapper who is undermining Russells efforts and spending a hell of a lot of time in the ceiling above the billing office watching Lola.
Meanwhile, Lola is on her way to new trouble at work, constantly playing pranks on Ms Peggy, the elderly PBX woman when she's not singing the tune to "Full House."
Unacrapper overheard Charlene Crabass saying something less than nice about Lola, and guess who got the next smelly surprise on her desk. She's convinced Lola did it and has asked for an investigation (see complaint in hospital documents).
We'd get Waz to check it out on his security camera tapes but he is hard to find these days.
Russell LuvMussell and Redneck Never Come to Work Guy are in town for an audit and looking for some fun.
Sharky's finally getting "oriented." I'm almost scared of what comes next. Well at least buckethead better be scared -- he's posted A PICTURE of our beloved (ha!) CFO.
FBI guy is getting angry with Jane -- he thinks she is trying to get fired by making outrageously stupid recommendations re: a gung ho meeting.
And Jane, she's just angry. Like all the other CEO's.
Russell LuvMussell has a thing for Lola. But so does UnaCrapper who is undermining Russells efforts and spending a hell of a lot of time in the ceiling above the billing office watching Lola.
Meanwhile, Lola is on her way to new trouble at work, constantly playing pranks on Ms Peggy, the elderly PBX woman when she's not singing the tune to "Full House."
Unacrapper overheard Charlene Crabass saying something less than nice about Lola, and guess who got the next smelly surprise on her desk. She's convinced Lola did it and has asked for an investigation (see complaint in hospital documents).
We'd get Waz to check it out on his security camera tapes but he is hard to find these days.
Russell LuvMussell and Redneck Never Come to Work Guy are in town for an audit and looking for some fun.
Sharky's finally getting "oriented." I'm almost scared of what comes next. Well at least buckethead better be scared -- he's posted A PICTURE of our beloved (ha!) CFO.
FBI guy is getting angry with Jane -- he thinks she is trying to get fired by making outrageously stupid recommendations re: a gung ho meeting.
And Jane, she's just angry. Like all the other CEO's.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Update 3
Hospital world is getting a little more crowded and a lot more strange.
New arrivals include Consuela Bananahammock (Lola's buddy), Redneck Never Come to Work Guy, Shelby Earls, Cherry Bomb, and the UnaCrapper.
Sharky's long awaited arrival at the hospital has finally happened and despite a positive pregnancy tests he's jumping right in, already investigating an undercover bucketheadCFO web site and the smell coming from the ass of a man's mamma. With a little help from the 10 rules of management he got in the Gung Ho my ass book, I'm sure he'll do a great job. Or at least an adequate job. Which at this place is great by comparison. Everything is relative.
Buckethead's been using Marathon bars to bribe a teenage patient in the roof to crap in Mean girls office, hoping no one notices she has no shoes on, being stalked via email with disturbing pix of midgets, and almost blinded in one eye by one of Jane's mandatory safety programs. (Now that's ironic, isn't it). She's been a little unmotivated until God piped up this weekend and (via a fortune cookie left in a plate of hardened bits of fried rice left over from the night before), 'splained to her she needed to get with Sharky and Jane to get some bidness going.
Jane's promoted Lola to a management position although know one understands over what. And had all her employees sprayed (blinded?) for putting their foots in their mouths. (That'll teach em.)
Russell Luvmussell is venturing out his cozy little perch at the top of evil mountain and visiting the hospital for an audit. But seems like all he wants to audit is Lola Poindexter.
A few people continue to be mysteriously absent, including HR chick and the Large Red Eared Guy . . . Hmmmm.
Rumors continue to run rampant. Supposedly a new DON is going to be joining hospital world, and Jane's heard from her FBI contact that things are so bad a consultant may have to be hired.
New arrivals include Consuela Bananahammock (Lola's buddy), Redneck Never Come to Work Guy, Shelby Earls, Cherry Bomb, and the UnaCrapper.
Sharky's long awaited arrival at the hospital has finally happened and despite a positive pregnancy tests he's jumping right in, already investigating an undercover bucketheadCFO web site and the smell coming from the ass of a man's mamma. With a little help from the 10 rules of management he got in the Gung Ho my ass book, I'm sure he'll do a great job. Or at least an adequate job. Which at this place is great by comparison. Everything is relative.
Buckethead's been using Marathon bars to bribe a teenage patient in the roof to crap in Mean girls office, hoping no one notices she has no shoes on, being stalked via email with disturbing pix of midgets, and almost blinded in one eye by one of Jane's mandatory safety programs. (Now that's ironic, isn't it). She's been a little unmotivated until God piped up this weekend and (via a fortune cookie left in a plate of hardened bits of fried rice left over from the night before), 'splained to her she needed to get with Sharky and Jane to get some bidness going.
Jane's promoted Lola to a management position although know one understands over what. And had all her employees sprayed (blinded?) for putting their foots in their mouths. (That'll teach em.)
Russell Luvmussell is venturing out his cozy little perch at the top of evil mountain and visiting the hospital for an audit. But seems like all he wants to audit is Lola Poindexter.
A few people continue to be mysteriously absent, including HR chick and the Large Red Eared Guy . . . Hmmmm.
Rumors continue to run rampant. Supposedly a new DON is going to be joining hospital world, and Jane's heard from her FBI contact that things are so bad a consultant may have to be hired.
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