Welcome Back !

Summer is always a slow time, and it's no different in hospital world. But in hospital world it's taking people a REALLY long time to get back from vacation mode. Seriously it's almost October -- these people take vacation VERY seriously.

But still, things are moving along and we have some new arrivals.

Buckethead has been in the ER again twice since our last update. First breaking an ankle jumping through a corporate hoop and then careening across the room like a human missile after bouncing off her ball that Devon "accidentally" overinflated.

Devon has finally figured out how to communicate with the rest of the world and although he's not typing any faster, at least he's got the idea.

No one has stepped up more than Unacrapper, holding down the fort almost single handedly while everyone was summering elsewhere. By the end of September, he'd been promoted to COO. Or COO(L) as he prefers and was also filling in the roles of Acting CFO when buckethead was out (most of the time) and Interim HR Chick until HR Chick shows up again (probably never). And despite all his new responsibilities he's still finding time to trade hedge funds and derivative options. He's built his "nest egg" up to over $800,000 and finally reveals how he funded his account to begin with.

Jane conveniently went underground after questions started arising about the disappearance of Estella Guadalajar Pendejo and so did Sharky. He claimed something about falling off the wagon and having to take his dog to Jury Duty but Unacrapper has been hinting that he threw "a death card" right back at Sharky as revenge for the poisoning.

Waz is still laying low, although I'm hearing some disturbing rumors about what he's been doing in his spare time. Just let me say what happens in the men's room stays in the mens room. Or a jail cell in Virginia. Or both. See UnaCrapper's report if you want the latest scoop.

Rainey is still stuck in what Buckethead affectionately refers to as "Asshole Camp" and he's getting less and less patient lately. His "executive coach", Bartolmeu Martino doesn't seem to be helping him much, but it's not his fault that Rainey doesn't understand Portuguese and that Bartolmeu's English is not so great. Now Rainey's only hope is scoring better on the Asshole Rating Self Exam but he's going to need some tutoring to get through it.

Who knew that there was a quantitative way to measure the degree to which one is an asshole? Well there is. See the link on the right to take the Asshole Rating Self Exam. Take it yourself!

Back at the hospital, Devon isn't just new to communicating with us here on hospital world. He's communicating in ways that he doesn't even realize. Seems when he and Buckethead went on a mission to smuggle broadband adapters to Rainey, Devon stuck two up his ass but only seems to have taken one out to give to Rainey. He can't figure out why his ass hurts so bad and why he suddenly has free wireless internet access at home.

As for new arrivals, Devon's new employee, "Carl, Freak You the Fuck Out," just started and he's doing just what his name would imply. He's already freaking out Lola pretty damn bad but he's determined to make it 90 days to get on the health insurance plan. He needs it so he can pay to have the man he caught in his bear trap have a sex change operation and he can finally have a wife.

Finally, the executive evaluation team from KPMG made their first visit and they're pretty confused and disturbed by what they found. They've posted their first report.